All my heart |
Hardcore k-pop fan since early 2008. I listen to k-pop only~ I follow almost all k-pop groups, new and old, but main fanclubs where I belong to, are; - V.I.P, Blackjack, Joyous, Shawol, Sone, ELF, Inspirit, Cassiopeia, BABY, Aff(x)tion (plus). Feel very free to follow me~ |
I have a hard time of … liking anyone.
Last time I really _LIKED_ someone was two, three years ago. And during that time I felt so empty inside. I was getting worried. I always dreamed of love and waited for that special one. When someone tried to get closer to me, I always wanted to run away, because it felt so wrong, and no matter what they said or did I never, ever liked them. I guess I didn’t allow myself to like anyone. I didn’t even notice it, but that’s how it happened I’m sure.
Then I met him. He wanted to take things easily and slowly just like I did. I’m glad he understood it first, how much I just needed some time. He said he wanted to have something with someone who will always be there for him. First I thought I would never like him back. Now I think my heart is getting warmer …. or. It did get a bit warmer. Maybe 0,000001% of me likes him. But it feels like it took too long because he isn’t contacting me anymore, and I guess he thinks I’m boring and awkward because I’m not so comfortable with him, yet.
He even kissed me. But … I didn’t feel a shit. And I don’t get it. I didn’t feel anything.
So …. like the title says. I’m proud of myself. I didn’t let myself to like him any more than that. Now when he’s over me, like I believe he is, I think I could go back to my cold own soul and forget him, and forget everything that has something to do with love. Expect love songs. Loving him would only hurt me, at least now it would.
I’m happy about it.
